The child you had with your narcissistic partner entered your life for a purpose; they are an angel in disguise. Call that divine force God or the Universe—it knows you want to escape the cycle of abuse but feel unable to because abnormality has become normalized. You’re heavily trauma-bonded, waiting for the narcissist to do something so hurtful it finally breaks the camel’s back. Yet they keep hurting you, and you keep giving them chances. The Universe knows this cycle needs to end, so an angel was sent into your life as a way out.
How does this work? While you may tolerate the abuse yourself, the moment you see it directed at your child, you can’t bear it. You transform into a fierce protector—a “Mama Bear” or a committed father willing to do whatever it takes to protect your child. Yet, on a deeper level, that child is also protecting you, motivating you to step out of this toxic relationship. That’s why they’re an angel in disguise.
Many parents left the relationship after their child was born, saying, “I did it for my children.” They couldn’t bear to see their children suffer, even if they’d learned to endure it themselves. That’s when I remind them: your child came into your life to show you the way out. They are a blessing—a savior who, though they too had to endure pain, brought you happiness and peace. Most parents confirm that life feels more peaceful now, even though there may still be disturbances from the narcissistic parent.
Partners of narcissists sometimes think having a child will change their partner. This is a limiting belief. Society may even encourage it, saying, “Have a child together, and it’ll mellow them out.” But this rarely happens. If you had a child with a narcissist, your intentions were positive—you hoped to create a loving family. Your child sees your efforts, even if they can’t always express it verbally. Their trust in you, even shown through tantrums, is their way of saying, “You are my safe person.
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