There has been an ongoing debate about whether narcissists know their behaviors are completely unacceptable. Different people have different opinions, but I firmly believe they are well aware that their behavior is harmful—they just don’t care because it doesn’t directly affect them. This is not merely my opinion or feeling but a fact I’ve verified through extensive interactions with multiple narcissists. Today, I’ll discuss these interactions and demonstrate why narcissists are fully aware that their behavior is unacceptable. Stay until the very end.
Proof #1: Their Public Persona vs. Private Persona
A narcissist’s public image doesn’t align with their private behavior. In public, they often act like saints—kind, charismatic, giving, and understanding. They listen, pay attention, and even help strangers. However, in private, they become entirely different people. They deny allegations, avoid responsibility, intentionally cause harm, and neglect you.
It’s like dealing with two different individuals—or even multiple personalities—within the same body. Take my mother, for example, who was a covert narcissist. In public, she was cheerful, kind, and helpful. At home, however, her demeanor completely changed; she became a victim personality, seeing her family as a burdensome obligation. My father, an overt narcissist, would transform into a rage-filled monster at home, but in public, he acted like a kind and charismatic man. Strangers admired him, saying things like, “You’re so lucky to have a father like that.”
This duality shows that they’re aware of societal expectations. They know what behaviors are considered acceptable or unacceptable. Why else would they act kindly in public while showing their true abusive selves in private? The ability to selectively behave in socially appropriate ways demonstrates awareness.
Proof #2: Temporary Behavioral Changes
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Narcissists can temporarily change their behavior when it benefits them. Why would they do this if they didn’t know their behavior was harmful? Unlike someone with schizophrenia or psychosis—where behaviors are involuntary and consistent—narcissists are selective.
For example, if they fear losing you, they can act nicely for a while to keep you engaged. They understand that if they push you too far, you might abandon them, which is not what they want. They can demonstrate good behavior when necessary but choose not to most of the time. This deliberate choice reveals their awareness.
From recent interactions, I’ve learned that narcissists fear exposing their true selves because they know it won’t be accepted. They manipulate others by giving just enough hope to maintain control and revert to their harmful behaviors once they feel secure in the relationship.
Proof #3: They See Reciprocity as an Insult
Narcissists justify their abusive behavior, believing their victims deserve it. However, if you treat them the same way, they see it as a grave insult. They can insult, neglect, or abandon you without remorse, but if you mirror their actions, they perceive it as a personal attack.
For instance, if you use the same tone or language they use, they’ll explode with rage, accusing you of being disrespectful. Their inability to handle being treated poorly underscores their awareness that their own behavior is unacceptable. They know it’s wrong because they can’t tolerate receiving the same treatment.
Proof #4: The Smirk of Satisfaction
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One of the most telling signs is the smirk they display after hurting you. It’s as if they enjoy your pain. This behavior demonstrates awareness—they know exactly how their comments, silent treatment, or withholding of affection will affect you, and they derive satisfaction from it.
They don’t just lack empathy—they have none. They don’t care about your suffering and instead relish it, viewing it as “justice.” They believe they’re entitled to punish you for any perceived slight, no matter how trivial, and that their superiority justifies your pain.
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