Narcissists absolutely hate it when you wear makeup or style your hair. They want you to look unkempt, feel unsure of yourself, and lack confidence. Why? Because they believe all attention should be on them, and they view themselves as superior to you.
The moment you enhance your appearance, they become bitter, jealous, and insecure. Consequently, they resort to coercive, subtle manipulation tactics to reduce you to a lesser version of yourself.
In simpler terms, they don’t often say things outright, such as, “Wipe off that makeup,” “Stop losing weight,” or “Don’t dress nicely.” They know such statements would be seen as unacceptable. Instead, they guilt-trip you, create confusion, and make you feel obligated to avoid “hurting” their feelings. This emotional manipulation is how they stop you from upgrading yourself.
Let’s discuss this further in this episode. My name is Danish, and I am a narcissistic abuse recovery professional. Welcome to my channel. Today’s topic is straightforward: Why narcissists hate it when you wear makeup or style your hair.
Understanding Narcissists’ Tactics
Narcissists have become savvy enough to avoid overtly controlling statements about your appearance. They know such behavior would raise red flags. Instead, when they see you enhancing your appearance, they make you feel guilty.
1. Subtle Criticism Disguised as Concern
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They might say things like:
- “I love the way you naturally look; why do you need to doll up?”
- “Why be so artificial or fake?”
- “Are you chasing celebrities? You’re not like them.”
While these comments might seem like compliments, they are manipulative. A narcissist doesn’t truly mean them. The same person who claims to love your “natural look” will later criticize your weight, wrinkles, or any perceived flaws.
By planting these ideas, they make you question your decisions: “Will my partner hate me if I wear lipstick?” or “Am I shallow for wanting to look good?” This creates cognitive dissonance, as you feel emotional pressure without direct commands.
2. Questioning Your Loyalty
Another common tactic is to question your intentions, saying things like:
- “Who are you wearing that makeup for?”
- “Why this dress? Whose attention are you trying to get?”
- “Why do you need those shoes?”
These accusations imply that your efforts to look good are rooted in disloyalty. The truth, however, is that they are projecting their insecurities and intentions onto you. Their goal is to make you feel ashamed, forcing you to give up your choices and conform to their preferences.
3. Controlling Your Wardrobe
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Narcissists often dictate your clothing, justifying it under the guise of protecting you. For instance, they might force you to wear modest clothing, claiming:
- “I don’t want other men looking at you.”
- “It’s for the sanctity of our marriage.”
- “It’s for our children.”
Such statements are rooted in objectification: “You are my asset, and only I can use you. No one else has the right to even look at you.” This control is designed to dim your light and erode your sense of self.
4. Public Humiliation
To further strip you of confidence, they may intentionally embarrass you in public, such as bringing you to an event without informing you of the dress code. Later, they’ll feign ignorance, saying, “Oh, I didn’t know.” Their real goal is to make you feel inferior and draw attention to themselves.
The Underlying Truth
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Their behavior isn’t about your body, health, or acceptance. It’s about control and their deep-rooted insecurity. When someone truly loves you, they respect your choices, may offer suggestions, but never try to dominate your life. Narcissists, however, demand total submission to their preferences because they are incapable of genuine love. Their inner ugliness drives them to extinguish the beauty and light in others.
Final Thoughts
Let’s bring this episode to a close. Remember, healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey. If you’ve faced such manipulation, you can reclaim your identity and rebuild your confidence.
As always, let the healing begin and continue.
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