Living with a strongly narcissistic individual is challenging, whether it’s someone in your home, extended family, workplace, or elsewhere. Narcissists often approach relationships with control issues, exploitation, insensitivity, and an unwillingness to understand others. They adopt a condescending, superior attitude that makes interactions with them very difficult. At times, their narcissism intensifies and becomes abusive.
When we talk about abuse, we often refer to two general forms:
- Ongoing, entrenched mistreatment—day in and day out, there’s a constant sense of indignity.
- Episodic abuse—negative episodes may happen sporadically but can be severe, ugly, and damaging. Sometimes, both forms occur in combination.
As a therapist, I often encountered individuals who had been caught engaging in abusive behavior and were brought into my office. Sometimes, their victim accompanied them to provide context. At times, abusers reluctantly admitted their wrongdoings, expressing remorse. However, over time, even those who initially seem regretful may begin to justify their actions. Some don’t admit fault at all, jumping straight to justification.
When a narcissist justifies their abuse, they tend to follow predictable patterns:
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