There’s a good reason narcissistic abuse victims develop strange hoarding habits. It’s not just about collecting stuff; it’s a way to cope with the chaos and loss of control caused by constant manipulation and gaslighting. Clinging to objects provides a sense of stability and ownership when everything else feels uncertain. What starts as holding on to comfort can quietly grow into piles of belongings that reflect unspoken pain and trauma.
But why does this happen? Let’s explore the 10 unusual hoarding behaviors of narcissistic abuse victims.
Are you ready for number one?
- Keeping Letters, Emails, or Text Messages—Even Hateful Ones After years of experiencing gaslighting, you may feel the urge to hoard pieces of evidence to defend yourself. These pieces of evidence often take the form of letters, emails, or text messages. It might seem strange to others, but it’s your way of validating your emotions, memory, and reality. When someone twists the truth or denies what they said or did, those messages prove that you’re not imagining things.
Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that victims of gaslighting often cling to evidence because it helps them anchor themselves in reality when everything else feels shaky. As painful as they are, these messages might remind you of what you’ve survived.
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- Keeping Childhood Toys as a Symbol of Lost Innocence One of the effects of narcissistic abuse is losing your sense of self, including your innocence. You may miss your old self so much that keeping childhood toys helps remind you of who you were before the abuse—carefree, curious, and full of hope.
Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explains that these objects can serve as emotional placeholders. They help you reconnect with parts of yourself that were overshadowed by trauma. When your identity has been chipped away, those toys become a quiet reminder of the person you’re working to reclaim or rebuild.
Trauma expert Dr. Judith Herman states in Trauma and Recovery that survivors often seek physical reminders of their pre-trauma selves to reconnect with who they truly are. It’s not just hoarding—it’s an act of reclaiming. Those toys aren’t just objects; they’re symbols of resilience and the hope that your innocence and joy aren’t entirely lost.
- Stashing Receipts of Every Purchase If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might have been constantly questioned or accused of spending too much, wasting money, or not being truthful about purchases. Holding on to receipts helps you feel like you have proof in case you’re ever put on the spot again.
Victims often keep meticulous records as a way to ground themselves in reality when their abuser twists the truth. Beyond that, it can also feel like a way to regain control. Narcissistic abuse often leaves you feeling powerless and second-guessing your decisions. Stashing receipts is like saying, “I have the facts, and I’m in control of this part of my life.” It’s a safety net, a way to rebuild trust in yourself after someone made you feel like you couldn’t.
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- Overstocking Household Items Some people only overstock household items like canned goods or toilet paper in preparation for an upcoming storm. However, for narcissistic abuse victims, this behavior is often tied to a deep need for security and control.
Overstocking can also stem from the scarcity mindset that abuse often creates. Perhaps you were guilt-tripped about spending money or made to feel bad for having needs. Having an abundance of supplies becomes a way to push back against those old fears.
In The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, therapist Beverly Engel explains that when you’ve been deprived emotionally or physically, you learn to prepare for the worst. It’s not just about the stuff—it’s about reclaiming your right to meet your needs without shame. So, while others might see it as excessive, you know it’s your way of saying, “I’ve got my back now.”
- Saving Old IDs and Expired Driver’s Licenses Since narcissistic abuse can make you lose your sense of self, you may forget who you were before. Holding on to old IDs and expired driver’s licenses might be a way for you to remember your past self before the abuse took over your life.
When you’ve been made to question your identity, having something tangible that proves your existence, independence, and personal history can feel grounding. Survivors often cling to items that help them reconnect with their authentic selves, especially when their sense of self has been distorted by years of manipulation.
So, it’s not just simple hoarding—it’s an act of self-preservation and a quiet rebellion against the parts of life that tried to erase you. That little stack of expired IDs proves that you’re still standing.
Hoarding behaviors in narcissistic abuse victims may seem odd, but they’re deeply tied to survival and a need for control after enduring chaos. Each item often represents comfort, safety, or a memory they’re afraid to lose. If you see these habits in yourself or someone else, it’s important to approach them with understanding, not judgment.
Healing takes time, and letting go of things often starts with releasing the pain attached to them. With patience, it’s possible to create a safe, freeing space and move toward a life of peace and clarity.
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