Let’s talk about the kind of insults you’ll commonly hear in a narcissistic family. To begin with, not all insults are created equal, nor do all insults have the same intended impact or desired effect. In narcissistic families, you’ll often hear passive-aggressive insults and not-so-subtle digs that are simply meant to keep you and your self-esteem in line. Although these may seem relatively harmless in the moment, the truth is they absolutely undermine and erode your self-worth over time.
You’ll also hear insults that are intended to guilt and shame you, as well as insults that are more direct and obvious in their contempt. Then there are the insults that are flat-out emotional violence. These insults are deliberately intended to attack who you are at a core fundamental level and completely annihilate any sense of self-worth you might otherwise have. The insult’s power lies in the tone with which it’s delivered, the knowing look—we all know that look—and the inference being made by the derogatory comment or question being asked. No matter what the comment or question is, the inference is always the same: you are the issue, the problem. You are not okay, and something is clearly very wrong with you. That’s the message they want to send.
The thing to know about this is that narcissistic family members use words as weapons to manipulate, dominate, and control you—controlling what you think, what you do, and how you perceive and feel about yourself. These weaponized words are also used to gaslight you into believing that you’re someone you’re not and to convince you that the narcissist isn’t who they are clearly showing themselves to be by virtue of their behavior. Remember, narcissists are liars. They will lie to you and about you all day long, so it’s important that you keep this in mind and consider the source when a narcissistic person is coming at you with passive-aggressive digs disguised as humor or anything else they might say.
So, with all of that said, what kind of insults do you hear in a narcissistic family? The moment you have a legitimate feeling or response to something unkind, manipulative, or cruel, you’ll be accused of being far too sensitive and told that you are the issue because you always overreact and simply cannot take a joke. This insults your feelings, your experience, your perception of reality, and your ability to navigate relationships.
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