When it comes to sex and identity, narcissists do not have a true sexual self; they have a performative one—a carefully crafted persona that exists not for love, of course, nor for intimacy, but for camouflage. Narcissists use romantic partners not to connect with but to hide their denied sexual orientation. This isn’t just about being closeted; it’s about how you, the partner, become a living, breathing prop in their false reality. You’re not loved or seen. You are not even truly wanted as a partner. You’re used as a decoy, a performance, a billboard that screams, “I am normal” to the world while their inner life remains locked away in darkness. I have created a lot of content around this, but today I want to address five subtle signs that a narcissist is using you to hide their sexuality. Because this is not about simple confusion; this is about being dragged, used, and emotionally violated without ever being told what you’re really a part of.
Sign 1: Obsession with Appearing Normal
They are obsessed with appearing normal or traditional. The biggest sign that a narcissist may be using you to mask their true sexual orientation is their aggressive obsession with being seen as traditional. While on the surface they may act indifferent or say, “I’m just a simple person,” underneath, their entire persona is engineered to follow societal rules so rigidly that it’s unnerving. They parade their heterosexual relationships like trophies. They want to be seen attending weddings, talking about family values, and having children—not necessarily for the joy of it, but because these are the symbols of what is acceptable, what is normal, and what keeps people from asking a lot of questions.
You may notice how they interrupt conversations to brag about their marriage, talk about future plans involving children, or constantly compare themselves to other “normal” couples in ways that feel rehearsed. When LGBTQ+ topics arise, they either ignore them completely or become oddly agitated, making comments like, “Why is this being forced on everyone?” or “I just don’t get why it has to be so public.” They will often say people should live and let live while secretly orchestrating their life to fit perfectly within cultural, religious, or patriarchal norms. They will insist they’re not concerned with what others think, but their entire identity is built around that exact concern. This is not someone living authentically; this is someone hiding, and you are their most critical prop.
Sign 2: Public Possessiveness vs. Private Coldness
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