When most people reach the end of their lives, they carry profound regrets about missed opportunities to love better, help others, or live more authentically. They wish they had been kinder, more present, or braver in pursuing meaningful connections. These regrets stem from a deep recognition of their humanity and the ways they could have served others better.
Narcissists’ Lack of Regret
But look at the irony: narcissists do not regret these things at all. They do not feel shame about who they have been. They do not sit there thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve been a horrible monster to people. How can I even face myself now?” Those thoughts simply do not cross their minds. That kind of guilt does not exist for them. Even when they are moments away from passing away, what they do regret makes it even more clear how monstrous they are, how extremely self-absorbed and selfish they truly are.
Narcissists’ First Regret: Dependency
Let’s get started with number one: not creating extreme dependency so that others never leave or become independent. They regret giving you even an ounce of independence that allowed you to flourish without them. They literally want you to come begging to them. This is why so many narcissists create extreme financial dependency and ensure all money flows through them. They position themselves as the sole source of resources in your life, so you cannot think for yourself.
This book helped me break free — it might help you too: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
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If they keep you trapped, asking where you are going to get shelter, food, and other basic needs from, of course, you are going to stay stuck in survival mode. Your instincts will focus on staying safe, staying alive, and having your basic needs met. Freedom becomes secondary. That’s exactly what they do at a very interpersonal level. Some narcissists are so controlling that they do not even let you spend a few extra minutes in the bathroom.
The minute you are on your own, they come chasing after you. Of course, it’s not out of love; they do not want to give you enough time alone to think and wonder what’s going on with your life. They intentionally keep your mind, body, and soul occupied with abuse so you stay involved and always on edge. In my case, it was my father. My parents regret giving me the freedom to study away from home. My father used to tell me, “What you’re earning right now is not really earning; it’s just struggle.” When I started earning, my father told me, “You shouldn’t be earning right now. This is not your age to earn. You should be struggling, striving. Money is going to derail you.” None of that turned out to be true; he just wanted me to depend on him, and he hated that he gave me any freedom.
What makes this regret even deeper is the second layer: not being a complete monster to you and not using you to their fullest capacity. They regret not being extremely horrible, not being a torturous demon, and not making your life a complete living hell. Simultaneously, they are haunted by not extracting everything they could have from you. They had access to your energy, your resources, your talents, and your emotional supply, and they feel they did not drain you completely dry before you escaped. This is the twisted duality of their regret. They wish they had been more brutal while also wishing they had been more strategic in their exploitation.
When you leave, they are tormented by all the ways they could have used you further but did not, and all the emotional suffering they could have inflicted but held back from. Now, where does this hatred come from? It comes from a deep narcissistic injury that you possibly gave them by leaving, by cutting off ties with them, by going no contact, or by exposing them. They are punitive by nature. So, when you cut off ties, they regret, “I wish I could have punished her or him, broken their psychological bones, and left them no chance for survival.” That is the fire they keep burning 24/7.
In reality, it is a deep sense of failure that they feel but do not want to acknowledge. They feel defeated by you. Yet, they do not want to face that defeat because, of course, they will drown in their own shame. It’s stinky and gooey, and they do not know how to get rid of it. So, they convert that into anger and rage, which is unjust and does not make any sense because you deserve to heal. You deserve to move on. You deserve to be free. According to them, none of that is true.
Narcissists’ Third Regret: Role Reversal
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Now, moving to the third thing: something even more devastating for them. Having to give in, be exposed by, or plead before the one who had been begging for their love, which is you. This is psychological warfare at its most brutal. When it happens, it becomes a wound they carry forever. Picture this: the person who once desperately sought their approval, who begged for their love, who made themselves small just to get a crumb of their validation, suddenly has power over them.
When the tables are turned—let’s say you file a complaint against them, expose them publicly, or they get arrested or charged—they experience something they cannot psychologically process. The role reversal, where they have to be vulnerable or powerless before someone they once controlled, becomes a major narcissistic injury that never heals. They may have to beg you not to press charges. They may have to publicly apologize to save their reputation. They may have to admit wrongdoings to avoid consequences.
Every moment of this reversal burns into their psyche because their entire identity is built on being superior, in control, and flawless. If they ever come back into your life, they’ll always bring it up: “You did that to me, and I will never forget it. I will never forgive you.” They can’t let go because it represents their ultimate failure—being reduced to the same pleading, desperate position they once forced you into.
Narcissists’ Fourth Regret: Losing Control
Finally, the regret that haunts them the most is losing composure and control. Reacting in a way that makes everyone see who they truly are becomes their worst nightmare realized. When you strategically get them to react and expose their abuse before the world, when their mask slips completely in public, this becomes their biggest narcissistic injury because their entire existence depends on maintaining that false image.
Think about it differently: they have spent years, maybe decades, carefully crafting this persona, this facade of being reasonable, charming, the victim, the good person, and the one who is calm. Then, in one moment of lost control—usually because you pushed the right buttons or set the right trap—they explode. They show their true face and reveal the monster beneath.
Maybe they scream at you in front of your children. Maybe they have a meltdown at your workplace. Maybe they send threatening messages that you screenshot and share. Whatever it is, that moment when their carefully constructed image shatters and people see their true nature becomes a source of endless torment. The loss of control, the public humiliation, and the fact that their manipulation was revealed eat at them because they know they can never fully repair that damage. People saw behind the mask, and once that happens, they can never unsee it.
Conclusion: The True Nature of Narcissists
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These regrets reveal everything about their true nature. While normal people regret not loving enough, narcissists regret not controlling enough, not exploiting enough, not destroying enough. How pathetic is that? That is the difference between a human heart and a narcissistic void—narcissistic emptiness and hollowness.
I’m saying this to warn you: don’t go back. There is nothing that you can mend because there is no broken heart. I once tried to go back to my father just to make sure he was feeling okay because I felt guilty when I saw him regretting. Then I realized that his regrets were not about me. His regrets were about his failure; he would walk over my dead body a thousand times if he could and wouldn’t feel even an ounce of empathy or sadness.
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